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What I didn't say


The memory of holding you has never faded. Singing to you in a dimly lit room, unaware of our surroundings, just us two. It lasted only brief moments but it was a lifetime that we shared. Though short, it has broken open everything in my life. When I first heard of your arrival, my soul was overjoyed, the happiness I felt inside was boundless. Your first kicks of life brought about the wonder once reserved for only childhood, back into my view. And with an instant that I will always remember vividly, all was seemingly lost.

Since our time together was short, I’d like to go over some things I didn’t get to say, but I know our eyes did:

  • Told you how beautiful you looked,
  • Said ‘peek-a-boo’ to get you to smile,
  • Told you how strong you were crawling and then walking
  • Said how stunning you looked before your prom
  • Told you to smile while I took a million pictures
  • Said how beautiful you were on your wedding day
  • Told you that he has your nose, and your lungs
  • Said goodbye as I drifted off for a long sleep

All was not lost on that day. I’ve been broken open many times after that moment, but it has always been a furthering of what you and I started together. And within a few short years your brother arrived and several times over your gift has taught me to say what resides in my heart.

I love you baby.

In memorium Phi, 08/24/2004